WHAT SHALL I RENDER TO THE LORD? 060

There are so many things that I wanted to write about today, but I had to choose this.

If you know me, you know that I can be hard on myself and that I set high standards for myself. Added to this is the fact that I want to do post-graduate studies. I guess I should say for those who don’t know, that I am currently in nursing school. The graduate school I want to get into is extremely competitive and so I work hard to do my best.

Last year I experienced major challenges but still managed to get all As... except for one class. Due to a personal circumstance, I could not do a midterm exam for one class, as a result the weight of this exam was literally added to my other evaluations. For the final exam I literally remembered the testable exam content from the lecture slides word-for-word. Also, I thought the exam was a day before it actually was, so I had even more time to prepare. I was excited, after all that I had been through for the year I was about to come out with the grades I needed, until...

I got a B+ on the exam.

I finished the course with a B+

To put this into perspective I need you to understand that an 80% is an A- and is a 3.7. A 79% is a B+ and is a 3.3. One percent can drop a GPA .4 points. This could be detrimental for someone’s GPA and thus affect their chances at grad school.

Everything hit me all at once, at this point it wasn’t so much about the grade as much as it was about me questioning God. I also realized that I did not have time to really process the things I had just gone through. Some of those things are too personal to share here, I really wish I could just to give some context and really make you understand that these weren’t some minor issues.

So here I was, life a jumble, tragic B+ on the transcript, and a whole bunch of questions for God.

Eventually, I gave God thanks for the opportunity to travel through uncertainty. I came to appreciate the fact that I could develop resilience through the trial and by God’s grace relate to those that face setbacks, in life, and now in school.

I had peace.

This year, the semester started in September and amidst a pandemic I struggled to find motivation, I even missed the first assignment of the school year. Many of the disturbances were still present in my life but I asked God for strength.

Eventually, I got convicted that I needed to do more than I was doing for God. Especially after I laboured to get back into school mode and was studying for up to 6 hours a day. I really wanted to have a near perfect school year to compensate for the bump I experienced last year.

Here is the summit of this post. I decided to focus more on God. I focused on the devotional IG page I made, I started this blog, I started a Bible study on Friday nights, prayer meetings on Mondays, praise meetings on Wednesday nights and began to do one-to-one Bible studies with people. I thought about what God wanted me to do for Him and less about what I wanted Him to do for me. My devotional things to God take me over an hour to do each day and I keep the Sabbath which means I have 24 hours where I do no school work, and just focus on spiritual things.

This blog in particular is something I want to touch on. Every night I wrote these posts even when I desperately needed to study or finish a paper.

The results?

Well I just got my last grade back, I wiiiiiiiish I could keep writing and give you more context but for the sake of brevity I will just say I got nearly perfect grades in all of my classes.

In nearly every paper I have written this year I have gotten 95%+, one of my teachers said one of my papers was the best she read in all her years in that course.

Am I boasting? Yes. In Christ.

Friends, as I wrote this blog, I got better at expressing my thoughts on paper, but more importantly I gave to God time that I desperately wanted to invest in school. I told myself even if my grades suffered, I would bear it gladly because I know that the things of this world are temporary but my relationship and peace with God is eternal.

I don't that God is patting me on the back for “doing” things for Him, and frankly my marks could have suffered. The point is it didn't matter.

I did His business and prayed that He would do mine. I am certainly not perfect and that's what makes it amazing. Like I am so not perfect, sometimes I am lazy, I waste time, I procrastinate on academic and spiritual things. But God. He blesses, and in response I am motivated, to do for love, and not for reward. (though the reward is also a great motivator)

I JUST WANT TO FORMALLY THANK MY GOD FOR GIVING ME BETTER THAN I DESERVE, WHEN I THOUGHT I FLOPPED ON ASSIGNMENTS AND EXAMS AND SUCH HE BLEW MY MIND. WHEN I WAS WEAK HE SHOWED HIMSELF STRONG. WHAT MY GOD DID AND DOES FOR ME HE CAN AND WILL DO FOR YOU. GOD HOW CAN I SAY THANK YOU!?!?!

Its deeper than a grade; whatever we do, we must PUT GOD FIRST. What if next year I get bad grades? What if things don't go as well as I plan and hope? I will trust in Him. I will work for Him, by His grace.

Think about what God wants you to do for Him and less about what you want Him to do for you.

Psalm 116:12 What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits toward me? 13 I will take the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the Lord. 14 I will pay my vows unto the Lord now in the presence of all his people.

Thank you Lord,

IJN,

amen